Snow...

I don't want to write about the next, natural part in my life, that is, after Jack died, and Chelsea and I were left to go on. And the reason I don't want to write about it right now is because I'm struggling with depression, and I just think that it wouldn't be a great idea. So I'm going to write about the snow that we've had here in southwest Colorado...and it just keeps coming!!

I like snow! I really do. And it's a good thing, since I live where I do. I wonder, sometimes, about the people I encounter who really don't like snow. I wonder why they live here, and why they don't go somewhere where it's warm all year round. There are plenty of people who do that, and they really like it. But I like the snow. But I especially like the sunshine that we get here, whether or not it's snowing!

I would like to say that my depression is due to the fact that the sun hasn't shone around here for about three days or more, and it finally IS today! It is SO good to see the sun again. I didn't realize how important the sun is to me! The blue sky, the warm sun, the cheerfulness of it. For me, it's hard to be depressed on a day when the sun is shining, and I can see people wandering around with sunglasses, and smiles on their faces. Even when they're bundled up against the cold, it heartens me to see them out and about.

We have about 2 feet of snow on the ground - or more - and we had just a skiff last evening. It was a very light snow yesterday, light enough that I was able to just sweep it off my car. Monday morning, though, I went down to start my car, and I discovered about 6 inches or more of heavy, heavy snow, and I had to spend about an hour shoveling out behind my car, so I could get it out. I don't mind...it gives me a chance to get outside, and it offers me a time to think about things and get started on my day. I just don't want to have a heart attack while I'm doing it! It's also a good thing that I don't have to be at work at a certain time. I can take my time, and rest every once in awhile.

I haven't written anything for a while, either, and I wonder if that is contributing to my depression. I should write every day, at least something, even if it's a little bit about how I'm feeling that day. That way i can get my feelings out and I won't feel so cooped up, so wrapped up, so constricted....and my feelings will be out there....I won't have to keep them inside and dwell on them. Maybe that's the key...to let my feelings go...out there somewhere, and then I won't have them to make me depressed!!

I have started writing a book and I know that I need to write on it, at least every day too. It's overwhelming, and I know - in my head, anyway - all the tricks....take it one part at a time, little bits...keep writing and don't edit yourself, don't worry about how it's going to sound, just keep writing. And I can do that. It's just setting my butt down in the chair and doing it that's the problem. Right now, anyway. It seems that I have a lot of things swirling around in my head that I feel that I'd like to write down, but i don't know where to start and I don't know what form they should take, and I guess I just get confused. I make excuses for myself all the time, but I know it's just a matter of sitting down and writing....writing...writing...and getting into the habit.