Sisters...

Zip back to the present - January 2010. I just have to write about this. Especially now that it's on the uphill climb, and I'm feeling better.

On Friday, Jan. 8, two days ago, Chelsea called me crying, saying she was in terrible pain. And that the pain went from her breasts all the way down to her belly...and she didn't know what to do. Of course she knew that I couldn't do anything either, but that is her M.O....to call her mommy when she is not feeling good. That was about 4:30 my time, and I was about do go on a dinner date. I told her that, and was perfectly willing to stay home...but she said "go, and have a good time". So I went, with the condition that she call me if anything changed, or she decided to go to the hospital. I didn't hear from her, but I called her phone when I got home. Her boyfriend Larry answered and said she was still in pain, and that she couldn't really talk. Then later, her friend Heather called, saying that Chelsea wanted her to call me and let me know that she was no better. I don't think Heather really knew what to do.

In hindsight, this is when I wish I had talked her into going to the hospital. This is when I think it would have been crucial to have gotten some help. But I wasn't there - I didn't know.

I prayed, and then I went to bed.

The next morning, I was woken up by the phone ringing.It was about 6 a.m. It was Chelsea's neighbor, Nancy, letting me know that she was at Chelsea's house, and she had called an ambulance for her and it was on its way. ...she just wanted to let me know. She said that Chelsea just couldn't take the pain any longer, and that she couldn't walk, or hold her head up, it was so bad. She stayed with me on the phone until the ambulance got there. I asked her to call me back, and she said, of course she would.

It wasn't long before she called me again. They had seen Chelsea at the emergency room, and they found that she was bleeding internally. That's all they knew at this point. I even talked to the physician's assistant, and he said it was bleeding inside her. Nancy said she was going to stay until they found out what going on, and I thanked her for staying and letting me know what was going on. The next time she called, which was just maybe 30 minutes later, or less, she told me they had found out she was, in fact, bleeding internally and they were going to go in and find out what was going on. This was frightening news. And she had obviously lost an awful lot of blood!! Nancy thought they would definitely admit her. Yes, she found out, they were going to do surgery.....

I was beside myself, but I tried to stay calm. I called Staci, her sister who lives in Kansas City. (she is a half-sister, but she and HER sister, Stella, are very close to Chelsea...) When I called her and explained that Chelsea was going into surgery for internal bleeding, the first thing Staci said was 'why?'. I didn't know anything, other than that what I had been told. I asked her, by any chance, could she or Stella drive down there to be with her in the hospital? She didn't even hesitate. She said "absolutely, I'll go!" All she said she had to do was pack a few things and get on the road. She said she would also call Leeann, her friend in Ark City where Chelsea lives and ask her to go over there until Staci got there. LeeAnn was a nurse and would be able to tell Staci a bit more about what was going on. I was so thankful, so glad, so relieved...that Staci was so willing to go...I breathed a little easier. Chelsea was asking for me, and I was thinking about what I would do, and how I would get there.

While I was waiting for news about the surgery, I found out that a round trip airline ticket would cost $600!! There was no way I could afford that!! And if I drove it would take a couple days, and some money as well!! I talked to my neighbor and she helped me decide to wait and see what things looked like after Staci got there. Meanwhile, Staci called me and said she had gone by to pick up Stella and they were on their way!! I couldn't believe that both of them were going!! Plus, Staci had brought her daughter, Danielle, with them too!! I was so thankful...grateful...I was speechless at the love and family that was taking place with my daughter!!

All that day, I though about nothing else but my daughter, her sisters, what she was going through, and what I could do, if anything. I have learned through my recovery that stuff will happen no matter what we do...and that all I can do is let it go, let God take care of it, and try to stay positive. I did try to do that, and succeeded to a point. But I'm sure my body was still tense and upset just because of the fact that I couldn't be there...

But really, what could I do? What difference would it make if I WAS there? I couldn't do anything except wait, and I could do that here.

So, when she got out of surgery, which didn't take more than 45 minutes, I bet, Nancy called again and let me know it had been a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. They had to remove one ovary, and a fallopian tube. And they had given her more blood to replace all that she had lost. Her kidneys were fine, she was on IV fluids, and she would stay in ICU for a day or so. The doctor said that if she hadn't come to the hospital when she did, she would have died in a matter of minutes...gone into hemorhaggic shock, and then died. I didn't know what to say, and all I did was cry.....

It wasn't long after that that the girls got there. They kept reassuring me that things would be fine, that they would see to Chelsea, to her house, to her dogs, and that I didn't need to worry about anything....I kept telling them that I felt like I should be there but that I didn't know if I could afford to come out. They said, don't worry....we'll be fine, don't worry...

So I didn't...but I don't think I took a breath until the next day, or maybe that evening when I heard Chelsea's voice on the phone. Chelsea was awake, but doped up. Her voice was raspy and weak, but she was able to talk to me for a few minutes. Her friend, Bev, had also spent most of the day at the hospital as well and was very good about reassuring me during the day about Chelsea's condition.

Meanwhile, I did my laundry, went to the office to work ahead on my paper, in case I did need to go. I also went to my favorite yarn shop that evening to knit, just so I would have something to keep my mind on, and to relax. It worked. Having all those women around me, gabbing and happy, took my mind off my daughter for a little while. Plus, while I was there, I heard from Bev and from Chelsea, and was able to get some more reassurance that all was well.

The world goes on without me....without MOM taking care of things and being there to hold her hand!! Imagine that!!

The next day, Saturday, I was feeling better. I was not feeling as guilty as I was before, except for the fact that the girls were dealing with everything and I wasn't. But my mind was on them all the time.

Chelsea called me from her own phone about noon, and I was able to talk to her for a while. She was said about the pregnancy, but she knew this was not a good time to have a baby for her. (We had already talked about that.) She talked about the signs that she hadn't recognized about the ectopic pregnancy. She talked about Larry not really wanting to go to the hospital cause it was where he had already lost one child. She said she didn't use birth control ...not with Larry...I told her that now that she's had one pregnancy like this, she would need to be careful that she doesn't have another one...she would have to be really careful. I don't know how much of what MOM says she hears. I know that she listens to her sisters probably more than she does me. She was already annoyed about haveing to be in the hospital, which was a good sign. and then she got tired and wanted to get off phone.

Later on, I called Staci. She said that they had taken the catheter out and Stella had helped Chelsea down to the shower to clean up and wash her hair, and they had both combed it out for her. What a great sisterly picture that brought to mind!! She assured me everything was fine...they had walked the dogs, cleaned up the house, done laundry....etc...and I told her it made me feel SO much better, that it was such a load off my mind, to have them there and taking care of everything. She kept saying it was fine, that she was our little sister, and we wouldn't have done anything else! I am just in awe! I love them so much..I just can't beleive they did this!! And Chelsea was very surprised to see them, and very appreciative as well...she also couldn't believe they would come to her side like they did. And Danielle too!! I know...I KNOW...that this was the best thing for her.

THEN they were saying that they had already told Chelsea that she was going to go home with them when she got out of the hospital..so they could take care of her!! Oh my!! I am so overwhelmed by the love and caring that they were showing...without any effort!! I was constantly grateful...and it warmed my heart beyond words.

I didn't have any sisters..I don't know what it would be like to have other women taking care of you that are related by blood...who love you JUST BECAUSE you are their sister!! They have done so much for her, and I know that I can rely on them to do the right thing by Chelsea because they are her sisters and they love her.

So, now I have a new and updated respect for the girls...not that I didn't already love and respect them already!! But now, they are angels, in my eyes. They are the epitome of family...they are unconditional love...they are sweetness, they are kindness, they are goodness, and they are sisters!! I am so fortunate...and so grateful!! Now I could breathe, relax, know that my daughter was taken care of, and so were her dogs....I could know that all this was for a reason and that having her sisters take care of her was, really, better than having mom there...don't you think??

I still....a few days after all this happened...want to cry when I think about how close to death she was. Was that the doctor just saying that so that she would call for help a little sooner next time? Or is it true? Either way, my heart hurts to think of it, and from the somewhat helpless feeling that I get when I think about her there by herself. But, then, I think about her sisters and how much they love her, and I get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. She is ok with my not being there, and she is ok with her sisters being there....

I remain grateful and humble each day.....