On to life...

So, after college was over, I moved to an apartment up in Olathe, Kansas with one of my senior roommates, Laura. I'm not sure how that all came about, I'm sure I had the help of my parents. She got a job teaching in the Olathe schools, and needed a roommate, I'm sure. I had been given a car for graduation....a gift from my parents for graduating in four years. A Chevy Chevette. Dad said it was going to be a plain vanilla car, no radio, no ac, no nothing. And that's what it was! But it was a car, and I loved it!!

Jack was still in my life, and I"m sure that had everything to do with my decision to stay in Kansas...Looking back, I wish now that I'd paid more attention to what I wanted to do with MY life, and not worried about a man and how he was going to fit into my life.

I looked for work all over the place, and wasn't able to find much. I did have a waitress job at a truck stop in Olathe - it lasted about the length of the lunch hour - which I quickly decided I wasn't cut out for. The old biddies that had been there a while didn't want to tell me anything, so I had to fend for myself. I never even went back for my paycheck, such as it was.

I finally found a job at Commerce Bank in Kansas City. I commuted from Olathe every day, which, in rush hour traffic, in 1972, was about a 30 to 45 minute drive. It should have been 15 or 20. But that's the nature of commuting, I guess. I worked in the international department, typing letters of credit. It was my first taste of the corporate world, of co-workers, of office politics, and of being responsible for my own days. It was good and it was bad.

Laura eventually moved out of that apartment, and I think Jack sorta moved in, but then I ended up moving to an apartment in Roeland Park, closer to where I worked. I still was driving back and forth between KC and Jack's home in southeast Kansas. That was not a good thing to do...again, looking back...but I was in love, or thought I was.

What was I thinking? I liked working, and it was good for me. It made me autonomous and powerful, and I don't know why I didn't stay with it. But, of course, I put a man before my own ideals and dreams, and got married in December of that year...to Jack. We stayed in his grandmother's house the first two weeks of our marriage, and THAT alone should have been a huge red flag!! Why was I going from making my own money, to living in someone else's grandmother's house?? And he had three little kids!! But...I was happy, and I was in love.....

So, we moved all my stuff from my apartment in KC to a house in a town not far from where Jack had lived with his grandmother. It happened to be across the alley from his dad and stepmom, and was not a bad little house. I was happy...again, because I was with my man, and he was good to me. I didn't even think about what the consequences of my decision would be, or what it would be like to be an "instant" mom to those three little kids. I just assumed they wouldn't interfere in my ideal life....I even thought I liked his family across the alley, but that proved to be a blessing and a curse..in the long run.

It didn't take long for me to find a job in at an electronics factory, in a town about 16 miles away. I was secretary to the shipping manager, and it was a pretty good job. An office job, and just what I thought I should have...and a good place to start. I liked my co-workers, and my boss. I worked Monday through Friday, 8 to 5..so I had weekends free. I was probably there for a couple years...maybe not that long...and then I decided to go to work at the dress factory closer to home. It paid more, and it was piece work, so I could get more money. It wasn't what I went to college to do, but I figured....I need to make as much money as I can!!

Jack was working then, but throughout that time, and our whole marriage, he worked off and on. I remember there being lots of times when I was the only one working in the household. I didn't like it...but I didn't say much about it. I just kept working, and he would do the housework. At least he did that...I can be thankful for that.

That's one thing about me that I know for sure. During the time that I was married to Jack, I was a very submissive, non-threatening, quiet sort of wife. I don't know why, exactly, nor where that came from. But I remember not wanting to rock the boat, make waves, and make him mad. Not that he was threatening in any way, I guess I just didn't think it would have been a good idea. I think I was assertive in some ways, but not in others. I didn't stand up to him...I was just very non-confrontational at the time.

I am that way now, but I think I have come full circle. More on that later...

We had his kids on some weekends, and that was a trial, for sure. His ex was a part of their lives, and I wasn't really sure how to take that. I can only imagine what she must have thought of me, being so young and married to her ex...helping to raise HER kids!! Now that I am a mom, I don't even know what she must have gone through!! I didn't talk to her - I just found out what little Jack would tell me about her, and what she was doing. I didn't even ask the kids about her. I tried to be a friend to the kids, not a mom, and to get along with them the best I could. It wasn't so hard when they were little. It was when they grew up to become teens that I had a hard time....I guess they liked me, but it never occurred to me ask anyone..

This is really hard for me to write about...and I'm not sure why. I am having a hard time going back and thinking about all these things that happened, the order they happened in, and bringing up the memories. I will do this, it just may take some time...