After another summer at home, which was, I think, the year that we moved to Stavanger, in Norway, and Jeannie was visiting that summer too. She helped us move. I don't think my mother minded...but I don't know. She was a really big help. Moving is never fun, but it helped that Phillips moved all the big stuff for us, and all we had to do was pack our own stuff, and then be there to place all the stuff when it got there on the moving van. I had a good time with Jeannie there, and having the summer to do some more exploring around Norway and learning more about it. What a beautiful country! And Stavanger was a gorgeous place. Right on the sea....
My junior year at Baker was the year that I met Jack, who would later become my husband. I met him through a friend I had there at school. He lived in a town that was a couple hours from Baldwin. I am not sure what attracted me to him. Maybe it was the mistaken belief that since he was attracted to me, I coudn't do any better...that I'd better just hang on to him. But I do think there was something about him that I liked. He was tall, big, older, a biker, seemingly street smart, and he was good to me. We spent a lot of time going back and forth to see each other. He lived with his grandmother in another town, he was divorced - newly- and he had three small children by his first wife. Looking back, that should have been a major red flag for a young college student like I was. But I was blinded by love..or the idea of being in love. I'm not sure which. My friends, some of them, tried to tell me that he would never marry me...blah, blah, blah...but I wouldn't listen. I'm not sure marrying was what I had in mind anyway. We had great sex, too, and I thought that was a good sign.
In the fall of that year...I found out I was pregnant. Jack was the father, of course. I was devastated, but not surprised. We had talked about the fact that we weren't using protection. He even said - and I remember this clearly - "You don't know what you're asking me...to put that on!" He had also said he'd "take care of me" if anything happened. Well, I thought, the time is here for you to "take care of me!"
I'm not sure what his idea of taking care of me was, but our immediate reaction was to have an abortion. Which I had. And which I feel like was not what I would have chosen had I had the time to think it through. But who knows? My parents were in favor of it, the Dean of Students talked to me about it, and all my friends were all for it. After all, the Roe v. Wade law had just passed the year before, and we (women) were feeling quite liberated and empowered by it. So..why not? It was a given...an understood thing. So, I went through with it, and he helped pay for it. To this day, it's very, very hard for me to think about it, let alone talk about it. It took me many, many years to tell anyone, or to speak it out loud. Guilty? Yes.... I felt very guilty, even though it was legal. But, as my mother used to say, just because it's legal doesn't make it right. To this day, I have mixed feelings about abortion. I had such unbelievable emotional repercussions from it, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. But that was just me. Who knows what someone else would feel.
Surprisingly, Jack stuck around after the abortion, stayed by my side, and continued to be my 'boyfriend'. It was a hard year, though, because of that, but we kept on seeing each other, and having a good time. We didn't have much money, so we hung around my dorm when he would come to see me. I met his kids and they were ....well, kids. Very small at that time. The youngest was not even 2 years old. His ex-wife, whom I didn't meet till later, was, by Jack's description, not a great mom. She had her own demons to deal with, and he didn't really want to be a part of it. It was unknown at the time whether or not he would be able to see his kids from one week to the next, let alone be a part of their lives. And all I knew was that I wanted to be with him...I didn't even think about having a 'ready-made family'!!
It was a volatile time around the country. Not only were women raising their voices about lots of issues, and wishing to be heard, there was the Vietnam issue, and race issues. It was a good time to be young and intelligent and aware. I finished out the year squeaking by with average grades and made plans to come back next year to live off-campus with three other girls. We were all going to be seniors, so it would be a good plan.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Continuing on as a sophomore...
After my freshman year, I went home to Norway to spend the summer with my folks. It was nice, after those few months away, to get back and spend some time with them. I slept till noon most days, and didn't do a whole lot. They lived in a penthouse - at least that's what we liked to call it, cause it was the whole top floor of a small apartment building - and it was a really nice place. Explored the city and learned about the Norwegian way of life. Hung out with my mom and my brother, even though he was still in high school, and in his own world. The Norwegians are a beautiful people, and the city was beautiful as well. Very clean. And the socialist government made for no extremes of rich or poor among the people. I kind of liked that. We started to learn a little bit of the Norwegian language, cause my mom and dad were of the mind that when you're in a foreign country, you should try to assimilate yourself to it. I agree...Why should they speak MY language? I'm a visitor there! But, we found out that they wanted to practice their English on us.
Baker had an Interterm in their schedule. It was a month - in January - where a student could pick from some scheduled projects, or do one on their own, as part of their class curriculum. I tried to figure out what I could do and still not have to go back to the campus, and make it work with my holiday in Norway. I was also still in contact with the guy that I had met in Athens the summer before, who lived in Brooklyn, NY. So I found out about an interterm project in New York City with the sociology department. So, as the end of my holiday in Norway, I flew into NYC and met up with the group that was there for the Urban Studies Interterm. Even though my motives were selfish, I ended being really glad that I went! And...I did NOT end up seeing Bob. I guess he blew me off. One of my first of many experiences with men blowing me off....another story.
The group stayed at the YMCA in Manhattan, and went to places like a halfway house, the projects, an off-off Broadway play, and a few other non-touristy places. We also did get to see Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, the World Trade Centers, which were not even completed yet, and the Empire State Building. I enjoyed walking along the streets in NY. There were so many people, and so many different kinds!! What an experience!! I haven't been back there since then, but I'm sure it's changed. We spent some time at a Howard Johnson's restaurant, and I met a man there, an older man, who warmed my heart. I remember feeling good about him after talking with him. It was a good trip, and I learned a lot, but I have always wanted to go back. There's always something happening in NYC!! I really don't think I could live there - I love nature way too much for that - but I do think I would like the excitement and the culture there.
After that great experience, I headed back to Baker for the second semester of my freshman year. I'm not sure when it was that I lost my virginity...but I do remember who it was, and how it happened. An experience I won't forget, but I am sorry that it was with someone I"ll probably never, ever see again, and that I was drinking at the time. Unfortunately, I hadn't given it much thought...like some do. I hadn't said to myself "Oh this is how I'd like to lose my virginity!" No, it just happened. And I hate that. But ...that's the way it is. Can't change it now. I'm just glad it wasn't traumatic or violent.
I guess I did my share of drinking that first year. All college freshmen do. Little did I know what it would lead to in later years.
That summer I went home to Norway again, and I think it was that year that my grandparents came over and we did some traveling around Europe while they were there. It was that summer that I met a girl in Oslo who was an American from Minnesota, and who was studying Norwegian studies at a college there. She was in Norway doing some kind of overseas study thing, and we hit it off right away. It was great. Her name was Kris Rustad, and we hung out quite a bit that summer. We also met a couple of Moroccan men, which was fun, too. We had a great time trying to communicate with them. They didn't speak English, nor did they want to, but they did speak French, so that's how we communicated. Kris and I had a minimal knowledge of French. They took us around Oslo, cooked for us, and generally showed us a good time. I loved their Moroccan food, and the sort of mysterious, dark feeling they had about them. I thought I had fallen in love, his name was Amar, but looking back, that was really stupid. The only saving grace was the he didn't even want to come to the US!! I thought that was good...
Kris said goodbye, went back to the States, and we promised to keep in touch. I stayed in Oslo until it was time for me to return to Baker for my sophomore year.
I was still in touch with my friend from Herringswell - Jeannie - and talked her into applying, and being accepted - to Baker U. So it was in the plans that she would come to Baker that year. She was a year behind me in school, and had just graduated from Herringswell. So it was with much pleasure that she and I roomed together at the dorm my sophomore year. It was so good to have a close friend come to join me there!! The only problem was that I had already been there a year, knew my way around and had made a few friends, and she had just started. I tried to include her in all that I did, but she had some difficulty deciding what she wanted to do in her classes. We had a good time, anyway.
I had changed my major to philosophy, religion, sociology, psychology...whatever mood I was in that day. I think I finally settled on Foreign Languages, simply because they came easy to me. Jeannie and I did lots of things together and made lots of friends. It was good to be with her, and to have a familiar face around me. I'm not sure she really liked it, cause she ended up leaving after her first year.
I don't remember much about my sophomore year, other than what I've already talked about. I think that might have been the year that I walked with the VVAW in their walk against the war, but it might have been my junior year. I was still in the dorm - I stayed in the dorm until my senior year.
Baker had an Interterm in their schedule. It was a month - in January - where a student could pick from some scheduled projects, or do one on their own, as part of their class curriculum. I tried to figure out what I could do and still not have to go back to the campus, and make it work with my holiday in Norway. I was also still in contact with the guy that I had met in Athens the summer before, who lived in Brooklyn, NY. So I found out about an interterm project in New York City with the sociology department. So, as the end of my holiday in Norway, I flew into NYC and met up with the group that was there for the Urban Studies Interterm. Even though my motives were selfish, I ended being really glad that I went! And...I did NOT end up seeing Bob. I guess he blew me off. One of my first of many experiences with men blowing me off....another story.
The group stayed at the YMCA in Manhattan, and went to places like a halfway house, the projects, an off-off Broadway play, and a few other non-touristy places. We also did get to see Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, the World Trade Centers, which were not even completed yet, and the Empire State Building. I enjoyed walking along the streets in NY. There were so many people, and so many different kinds!! What an experience!! I haven't been back there since then, but I'm sure it's changed. We spent some time at a Howard Johnson's restaurant, and I met a man there, an older man, who warmed my heart. I remember feeling good about him after talking with him. It was a good trip, and I learned a lot, but I have always wanted to go back. There's always something happening in NYC!! I really don't think I could live there - I love nature way too much for that - but I do think I would like the excitement and the culture there.
After that great experience, I headed back to Baker for the second semester of my freshman year. I'm not sure when it was that I lost my virginity...but I do remember who it was, and how it happened. An experience I won't forget, but I am sorry that it was with someone I"ll probably never, ever see again, and that I was drinking at the time. Unfortunately, I hadn't given it much thought...like some do. I hadn't said to myself "Oh this is how I'd like to lose my virginity!" No, it just happened. And I hate that. But ...that's the way it is. Can't change it now. I'm just glad it wasn't traumatic or violent.
I guess I did my share of drinking that first year. All college freshmen do. Little did I know what it would lead to in later years.
That summer I went home to Norway again, and I think it was that year that my grandparents came over and we did some traveling around Europe while they were there. It was that summer that I met a girl in Oslo who was an American from Minnesota, and who was studying Norwegian studies at a college there. She was in Norway doing some kind of overseas study thing, and we hit it off right away. It was great. Her name was Kris Rustad, and we hung out quite a bit that summer. We also met a couple of Moroccan men, which was fun, too. We had a great time trying to communicate with them. They didn't speak English, nor did they want to, but they did speak French, so that's how we communicated. Kris and I had a minimal knowledge of French. They took us around Oslo, cooked for us, and generally showed us a good time. I loved their Moroccan food, and the sort of mysterious, dark feeling they had about them. I thought I had fallen in love, his name was Amar, but looking back, that was really stupid. The only saving grace was the he didn't even want to come to the US!! I thought that was good...
Kris said goodbye, went back to the States, and we promised to keep in touch. I stayed in Oslo until it was time for me to return to Baker for my sophomore year.
I was still in touch with my friend from Herringswell - Jeannie - and talked her into applying, and being accepted - to Baker U. So it was in the plans that she would come to Baker that year. She was a year behind me in school, and had just graduated from Herringswell. So it was with much pleasure that she and I roomed together at the dorm my sophomore year. It was so good to have a close friend come to join me there!! The only problem was that I had already been there a year, knew my way around and had made a few friends, and she had just started. I tried to include her in all that I did, but she had some difficulty deciding what she wanted to do in her classes. We had a good time, anyway.
I had changed my major to philosophy, religion, sociology, psychology...whatever mood I was in that day. I think I finally settled on Foreign Languages, simply because they came easy to me. Jeannie and I did lots of things together and made lots of friends. It was good to be with her, and to have a familiar face around me. I'm not sure she really liked it, cause she ended up leaving after her first year.
I don't remember much about my sophomore year, other than what I've already talked about. I think that might have been the year that I walked with the VVAW in their walk against the war, but it might have been my junior year. I was still in the dorm - I stayed in the dorm until my senior year.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
College as a freshman...
Yes, it had to be hard to leave their only girl at college that year. They left me at my dorm, called Denious Hall, and they took off to go back to Norway, with my little brother in tow. I'm sure they were going to make a stop or two at the grandparents' house before going back overseas.
Well, there I was. At a small college in Kansas....just like I wanted. It was a beautiful campus...plenty of trees, gorgeous buildings, and all those students to get to know....I was shy...and it was hard for me to make friends, but I did ok, despite that. My roommate, whom I had already met, was from the Kansas City area, and so she seemed pretty familiar with everything. She also seemed a bit flaky. But who was I to say?? The rooms were arranged in twos, with a bathroom in between. So there were two girls in each room, making up a suite. My suite-mates were SO badly matched it wasn't even funny. One of them was a bleached blond cheerleader type from the KC area as well, and the other was a long haired, peace-loving ballet dancer that didn't look kindly on nonsense. It was a terrible match. And I think they knew it from the start. I became friends with the dancer right off, and the other girl became friends with my roommate. So it worked out ok....
I walked around the campus, to my classes, anywhere I needed to go, cause I didn't have a car. We looked on the students who DID have a car as being either very rich or very lucky. But really, unless we wanted to go out of town, there was no need for a car. It was just a luxury that we couldn't afford. Walking was good, anyway. And when you had a friend with you, it was even better.
We explored the downtown part of Baldwin, which was basically two streets long. There was a post office, a bank, a jewelry store, a general store, a movie theatre (open only on weekends), a hardware store, and a few other gift shops, etc. The general store was where we spent most of our time, looking around and making a few purchases. They had all kinds of stuff.
The college itself had lots of organizations that you could join. This was 1972 and there was a lot going on in the world at that time. I remember the black organization called Mungano; and there was probably a political society of some sort; a Native American group; a theatre group. I remember getting involved in the Vietnam Veterans Against the War through some friends. I'm not sure if it was that year, or maybe the next year. But I participated in a walk they had that was 20 miles long....through Lawrence and around through another little town. There were vets in wheelchairs, with canes, and I remember thinking "If they can do it, so can I." It was a very peaceful demonstration, and I'm sure it showed a lot of people what the VVAW was all about.
It was a time of protest, of rethinking your values, of joining or not joining, of finding who you were. And I did just that....
I was sucked into a sorority that year as well. Since my mom had been a Tri-Delt, I could have joined that sorority just by being her daughter. But Rush Week, that week where you go around and visit all the houses, showed me that I really didn't want to belong to that group. Each one of them had sort of a label. The Alpha Chi's were all cute and pretty; the Phi Mu's were jocks; the Tri-Delts were cute and pretty too, and the Zeta Tau's were pretty normal...maybe even nerds. But they seemed the most down-to-earth to me, and so I agreed to pledge that sorority. I had some good friends there...and they had fun. But it wasn't long before I realized that I didn't belong to that groups...or any group. I really didn't want to belong to any organization where you had to be their friend, to the exclusion of other groups. I wanted to get to know everyone! And so I ended up de-pledging that same year. I wanted to be an 'independent'!!!
Sadly, I remember getting involved in some drinking, and that lead to the loss of my virginity. I guess that was part of the college scene at the time, and probably still is. There was a little beer joint on the highway that we went to for fun....but there was also drinking going on in the dorms and the fraternity houses....well, there was plenty off campus too...in some of the off-campus housing. I don't think it was really my thing...but I joined in anyway. I dated...but I was so confused about what was expected of me as a woman in the company of a guy...it all got screwed up. I don't know where it came from, and maybe all young girls go through this, but I probably equated sex with love. Relationships confounded me from the start.....
So..I fell in and out of love several times that year. But I got through it somehow.
Oh yea...my classes!! I started out, like I said, majoring in music. I had lots of classes in music, piano, and then the regular freshman requirements. It was great, and I really enjoyed it. I did decide, however, that year, that I didn't want to practice piano quite that much. I realized it was just a recreational thing for me...but I stayed with it that year. I was trying to decide what else I could major in, though. The academics at Baker were really good, and I liked that school a lot. The library was the greatest. A big tall two story building, and the second story looked down on the first when you were inside. They had lots of historical things to see in there, stained glass windows from the old buildings and churches..things like that. And since it was a Methodist school, the Methodist church was a big deal for the town. I went there a few times, and was in awe of the building. Many of the buildings on campus were old...as, I found out, Baker was the oldest school in Kansas.
Well, there I was. At a small college in Kansas....just like I wanted. It was a beautiful campus...plenty of trees, gorgeous buildings, and all those students to get to know....I was shy...and it was hard for me to make friends, but I did ok, despite that. My roommate, whom I had already met, was from the Kansas City area, and so she seemed pretty familiar with everything. She also seemed a bit flaky. But who was I to say?? The rooms were arranged in twos, with a bathroom in between. So there were two girls in each room, making up a suite. My suite-mates were SO badly matched it wasn't even funny. One of them was a bleached blond cheerleader type from the KC area as well, and the other was a long haired, peace-loving ballet dancer that didn't look kindly on nonsense. It was a terrible match. And I think they knew it from the start. I became friends with the dancer right off, and the other girl became friends with my roommate. So it worked out ok....
I walked around the campus, to my classes, anywhere I needed to go, cause I didn't have a car. We looked on the students who DID have a car as being either very rich or very lucky. But really, unless we wanted to go out of town, there was no need for a car. It was just a luxury that we couldn't afford. Walking was good, anyway. And when you had a friend with you, it was even better.
We explored the downtown part of Baldwin, which was basically two streets long. There was a post office, a bank, a jewelry store, a general store, a movie theatre (open only on weekends), a hardware store, and a few other gift shops, etc. The general store was where we spent most of our time, looking around and making a few purchases. They had all kinds of stuff.
The college itself had lots of organizations that you could join. This was 1972 and there was a lot going on in the world at that time. I remember the black organization called Mungano; and there was probably a political society of some sort; a Native American group; a theatre group. I remember getting involved in the Vietnam Veterans Against the War through some friends. I'm not sure if it was that year, or maybe the next year. But I participated in a walk they had that was 20 miles long....through Lawrence and around through another little town. There were vets in wheelchairs, with canes, and I remember thinking "If they can do it, so can I." It was a very peaceful demonstration, and I'm sure it showed a lot of people what the VVAW was all about.
It was a time of protest, of rethinking your values, of joining or not joining, of finding who you were. And I did just that....
I was sucked into a sorority that year as well. Since my mom had been a Tri-Delt, I could have joined that sorority just by being her daughter. But Rush Week, that week where you go around and visit all the houses, showed me that I really didn't want to belong to that group. Each one of them had sort of a label. The Alpha Chi's were all cute and pretty; the Phi Mu's were jocks; the Tri-Delts were cute and pretty too, and the Zeta Tau's were pretty normal...maybe even nerds. But they seemed the most down-to-earth to me, and so I agreed to pledge that sorority. I had some good friends there...and they had fun. But it wasn't long before I realized that I didn't belong to that groups...or any group. I really didn't want to belong to any organization where you had to be their friend, to the exclusion of other groups. I wanted to get to know everyone! And so I ended up de-pledging that same year. I wanted to be an 'independent'!!!
Sadly, I remember getting involved in some drinking, and that lead to the loss of my virginity. I guess that was part of the college scene at the time, and probably still is. There was a little beer joint on the highway that we went to for fun....but there was also drinking going on in the dorms and the fraternity houses....well, there was plenty off campus too...in some of the off-campus housing. I don't think it was really my thing...but I joined in anyway. I dated...but I was so confused about what was expected of me as a woman in the company of a guy...it all got screwed up. I don't know where it came from, and maybe all young girls go through this, but I probably equated sex with love. Relationships confounded me from the start.....
So..I fell in and out of love several times that year. But I got through it somehow.
Oh yea...my classes!! I started out, like I said, majoring in music. I had lots of classes in music, piano, and then the regular freshman requirements. It was great, and I really enjoyed it. I did decide, however, that year, that I didn't want to practice piano quite that much. I realized it was just a recreational thing for me...but I stayed with it that year. I was trying to decide what else I could major in, though. The academics at Baker were really good, and I liked that school a lot. The library was the greatest. A big tall two story building, and the second story looked down on the first when you were inside. They had lots of historical things to see in there, stained glass windows from the old buildings and churches..things like that. And since it was a Methodist school, the Methodist church was a big deal for the town. I went there a few times, and was in awe of the building. Many of the buildings on campus were old...as, I found out, Baker was the oldest school in Kansas.
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