Getting to know me....

My daughter was grown but still living with me, and that was fine. I realized that I was her only parent, and she was my only daughter. I figured there was plenty of time for her to grow up and get out on her own....and I didn't have any intention of living with or marrying anyone for quite some time. I needed some time to get to know myself, to become comfortable in my own skin, and to learn to get along on my own. I didn't want my emotions to be tied up in a relationship so soon after my separation, and I knew that in order to become the woman I wanted to become, I would have to learn to like myself. My recovery had a lot to do with that, and I also wanted to get and stay sober without the hindrance of another person there....yes, dragging me down!! I had HAD it with men who just wanted to be taken care of, and being the one to do that! I needed to take care of ME!! What it took, I was going to stay sober, get to know me, and become a whole person again!

I was still working as the tourism coordinator when I moved into my new home. My office was at the chamber of commerce, right downtown, and I felt like I was in the center of all the activity there. I guess I was! A lot of people knew me, and I knew a lot of people too...but I didn't particularly like it. My heart was not really into it anymore. I wanted to have more of a private life, and that wasn't the way to go about it....but I kept going and kept working. I didn't feel, at the time, like I was doing the job justice. I wasn't sure how to go about 'marketing' Ark City, a town of 11,000 people close to the Oklahoma line, whose only claim to fame was the Cherokee Strip Land Rush in 1893. There were historical buildings, yes...there were a few things to do during the year, but there was no 'essence', per say...that I felt like I could market. I tried....I talked, went to meetings, did a lot of thinking, planned, traveled. I saw others marketing Kansas....other places, but I didn't seem to be able to market Ark City. I wasn't making really great money either, so I was looking around for something else.

It was during this time that I met a man on the internet....(actually that became a place where I met quite a few men!) and this particular one lived in Arkansas. I'll call him "Sam". I don't think I'll use his real name, because I've not been in contact with him for a while, and I think he likes it that way. But he seemed to be a nice guy. There were things about him that raised a red flag, if I stopped and thought about it. Like the fact that he was married. He told me, of course, that they were not living together, and he told me the reason....that they were in different towns, etc, etc. and that was good enough for me....at the time. We got together from time to time. He had a big Honda motorcycle, and he loved to work on it, put all this extra stuff on it, and make it as comfortable as he could. It was great! He would come up to my house, and then we would go for long rides. I loved it!! I love seeing the countryside on the back of a motorcycle. I think I always did, but his bike was very comfortable, and he made the rides alot of run. We even went to an NA campout on it one summer..probably 01 or 02, down in Oklahoma....pulling a camper/trailer behind the bike. It was a fun trip! He got along allrlight with my daughter, too, and that was important. I drove down to his apartment in Arkansas a couple times, a drive that I loved. Arkansas is a beautiful state. Of course this was after he had moved to a different town than his wife lived in, but I guess it didn't bother me at the time. We had our ups and downs, and I wanted to know what he was doing some of the time. After all, we were together, right?? Didn't I have the right to know what he was doing or who he was doing it with?? There were large gaps in our communications...and that bothered me....

I got a different job at a publishing company near Blackwell, Oklahoma. I thought it was going to be better money. The only thing was I had to drive a ways each morning and evening to get there. It was run by two women who were gay, which didn't bother me. What bothered me was that they, at least one of them, was a micro-manager, and she looked over everything that I did. Now, I understand when you have begun and built a company that you would want to oversee every thing that goes out the door. But, I just wasn't comfortable with that....So by mutual consent, we parted ways. I was only a few weeks without a job...and found the reporter job at the Winfield Courier....about 10 miles from where I lived. "Sam" and I were no longer communicating, by his own doing. In fact, he cut off communication with me. This was to happen to me again...and again...with other people.

I liked it there....it was a good job, even though it didn't pay well. I was there about a year and a half I guess. I met some great people, too. Roy, the managing editor, was a guy who I'd met in leadership class a couple years before. I'm sure that had a lot to do with why I got the job...maybe. Judith, the lifestyles editor and a few years older than me, is an opinionated woman who I ended up really liking, even though we locked horns a few times while I was there. I had my own desk, and got along with everyone in the newsroom. The paper is in an old building there in Winfield, and the newsroom is crammed in a very small space. It was lively and noisy, with discussions and questions being thrown around all the time. Other areas of the paper complained that we were too noisy, but I like a newsroom to be that way, sometimes!! How else are you going to know about things and be able to form your own opinions?? I covered the county commission, the courtroom, and a whatever else happened in town. I didn't cover the board of education or the city. That was for someone else. I did get to cover the festivals and musical events, which I liked...sometimes the county fair and the veterans stuff.

While at the Courier, I went to the Pioneer Days at the Cherokee Strip Land Rush museum in Ark City....to cover their festival. There I met the man that I would be with for the next year or so.....