Mine was a textbook pregnancy. Everything was perfect. I felt good, I looked good, everything was according to schedule. I gained a bit more weight than I should have, but the doctor said I was too skinny to start with...We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, and we said we didn't care....as long as it was healthy. Isn't that what they always say??
My doctor was the same doctor that I had been going to since I'd lived in that town...well, it was only a couple years at that time. He ended up being my doctor for over 20 years though. He and his wife were also expecting at the same time as I was, which made it even more fun!
The only thing that made me sick while I was pregnant was the smell of coffee...which is strange, because I was a coffee drinker. But, it was not problem..I just didn't drink it while I was pregnant. Wasn't supposed to anyway...I really enjoyed being pregnant, thought, because it felt good. I felt special, people treated you differently - like you were going to break or something. It felt good to be nurturing and feeling a person growing inside of me.
We both were excited, in spite of the fact that we didn't have much money. I started sewing and knitting...making things for the baby. My parents were excited too, cause it was their first grandchild. Even though I don't think they liked Jack, they liked the fact that I was going to give birth to their first grandchild.
All was going well...till about my eighth month. That was when we received an eviction notice from our landlord. We were three months behind in our rent and we had three days to get out. I didn't know what to do...but Jack somehow got an old couple in our church to let us move into one of their rental houses, with the promise that we would pay them. (We were going to a Baptist church at the time..) So it took a day or so for all the friends we had to help us move, and they didn't let me do a thing! It was nice!
The house we moved into was much smaller, but we made do. It had two bedrooms, but all the rooms were really small. At that time, his oldest daughter was not living with us, but his son was.THAT was not a good time. I remember having lots of arguments with him, lots of yelling and Jack having words with him. The boy got into some trouble during that summer. He thought he knew better than anyone. He yelled at me a few times, and I was glad that Jack stood up for me during that time.
We stayed in it for awhile. That was where we lived when my daughter was born in August of 1984, and it was just like Christmas!!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Life goes on....
After living in that first house for about four years, Jack and I found another house in a little town not far from where we were living. We had moved up a little bit, we thought, as he had gone to work for an oil well fracturing outfit and was making pretty good money. This was in the 1980's when the oil industry was booming. The house was bigger, and nicer, and we thought we were doing pretty good. We could even have company and parties...We actually had the room now!
During this time, our friends, Netta and Larry, another couple who were both divorced and had ended up marrying each other, were a big part of our lives. They found a house outside of our little town, and we saw them a lot. She helped me fix up the house that we moved into, and she was also my best friend at the time. She ended being my best friend for a long, long time. We had some good talks, and we shared a lot of intimate things at the time.
We didn't live in that house for very long before Jack, in the midst of his oil fracturing employment, was asked to move to another town in Kansas. This was a pretty big deal for us, but we decided to do it. He went on ahead and lived with some friends for the time being, until I could move out there with all of our stuff, and his kids. I don't remember it taking very long, and we had the move made. His kids were growing up, but still a handful. The oldest was very independent, and I had some big arguments with her about who was going to be boss. The boy, who, when he was small, was very kind and tenderhearted, became lippy and sarcastic. He was a pain to be around. The youngest girl I think was doing fine. When we moved, the oldest came with us, as she was living with us at the time. The other two visited us on weekends, or when they could.
Our new life in the south central Kansas town was fine at first. We found a house that would fit us all, and we were comfortable there for a while. It had a large living room, two bedrooms, a nice back porch, and a big front porch. After we had been there only a little while, our friends, who we had been close to before, also moved to this new town with us. He worked for the same outfit that Jack did, several times, through several jobs. I remember lots of evenings sitting on the porch, drinking beer or coffee, and talking. About kids, about work, about whatever...
The oil well fracturing outfit that Jack worked for decided to go out of business in that town, and we didn't want to move to the Oklahoma town they were going to. So, Jack was out of work, again, and soon found a job with a trucking company. It was with a small company, owned and operated by a woman. She was shrewd, outspoken, a penny-pincher, and sometimes downright rude. I didn't like her, or the fact that he worked for her. He hauled grain for her, and was gone a lot. He lost money while he worked for her, having to get advances on his paycheck. This was a really tough time for us...and for our friends who were also still in the same town with us. He left that job to go to another trucking job in ElDorado, Kansas...he and our friend, Larry. Netta and I and the kids stayed at home, taking care of the kids, eating peanut butter sandwiches, popcorn, and trying to keep our chins up about being so friggin broke all the time. It was not fun...
Netta and Larry decided to pack up and go back to southeast Kansas where they both had family. We stayed in south central Kansas...to keep on going. Before things got too much worse, though, Jack got a job at the local meat-packing company, inside the factory.
This turned out to be a life-changing move for us.
I got pregnant. We had been trying for about 4 years, and I had all but given up on ever having my own child. It was something that I really thought I wanted. I wanted to be a 'mom' at least once in my life. We had the usual doctor's check ups to see if we were 'ok'. I was...he wasn't. His sperm count was low. So...we sort of forgot about it and left it up to God. But, because his sperm count was low, due to his sitting all the time in a truck, his standing in a cool place - the meat packing factory - caused his sperm to come alive!! We think so, anyway!! I was happy..he was happy...it was like things started looking better. We knew that we didn't have the money to raise a child, but, we figured, who does?? We were just going to make the best of it, and do what we could!
During this time, our friends, Netta and Larry, another couple who were both divorced and had ended up marrying each other, were a big part of our lives. They found a house outside of our little town, and we saw them a lot. She helped me fix up the house that we moved into, and she was also my best friend at the time. She ended being my best friend for a long, long time. We had some good talks, and we shared a lot of intimate things at the time.
We didn't live in that house for very long before Jack, in the midst of his oil fracturing employment, was asked to move to another town in Kansas. This was a pretty big deal for us, but we decided to do it. He went on ahead and lived with some friends for the time being, until I could move out there with all of our stuff, and his kids. I don't remember it taking very long, and we had the move made. His kids were growing up, but still a handful. The oldest was very independent, and I had some big arguments with her about who was going to be boss. The boy, who, when he was small, was very kind and tenderhearted, became lippy and sarcastic. He was a pain to be around. The youngest girl I think was doing fine. When we moved, the oldest came with us, as she was living with us at the time. The other two visited us on weekends, or when they could.
Our new life in the south central Kansas town was fine at first. We found a house that would fit us all, and we were comfortable there for a while. It had a large living room, two bedrooms, a nice back porch, and a big front porch. After we had been there only a little while, our friends, who we had been close to before, also moved to this new town with us. He worked for the same outfit that Jack did, several times, through several jobs. I remember lots of evenings sitting on the porch, drinking beer or coffee, and talking. About kids, about work, about whatever...
The oil well fracturing outfit that Jack worked for decided to go out of business in that town, and we didn't want to move to the Oklahoma town they were going to. So, Jack was out of work, again, and soon found a job with a trucking company. It was with a small company, owned and operated by a woman. She was shrewd, outspoken, a penny-pincher, and sometimes downright rude. I didn't like her, or the fact that he worked for her. He hauled grain for her, and was gone a lot. He lost money while he worked for her, having to get advances on his paycheck. This was a really tough time for us...and for our friends who were also still in the same town with us. He left that job to go to another trucking job in ElDorado, Kansas...he and our friend, Larry. Netta and I and the kids stayed at home, taking care of the kids, eating peanut butter sandwiches, popcorn, and trying to keep our chins up about being so friggin broke all the time. It was not fun...
Netta and Larry decided to pack up and go back to southeast Kansas where they both had family. We stayed in south central Kansas...to keep on going. Before things got too much worse, though, Jack got a job at the local meat-packing company, inside the factory.
This turned out to be a life-changing move for us.
I got pregnant. We had been trying for about 4 years, and I had all but given up on ever having my own child. It was something that I really thought I wanted. I wanted to be a 'mom' at least once in my life. We had the usual doctor's check ups to see if we were 'ok'. I was...he wasn't. His sperm count was low. So...we sort of forgot about it and left it up to God. But, because his sperm count was low, due to his sitting all the time in a truck, his standing in a cool place - the meat packing factory - caused his sperm to come alive!! We think so, anyway!! I was happy..he was happy...it was like things started looking better. We knew that we didn't have the money to raise a child, but, we figured, who does?? We were just going to make the best of it, and do what we could!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
On to life...
So, after college was over, I moved to an apartment up in Olathe, Kansas with one of my senior roommates, Laura. I'm not sure how that all came about, I'm sure I had the help of my parents. She got a job teaching in the Olathe schools, and needed a roommate, I'm sure. I had been given a car for graduation....a gift from my parents for graduating in four years. A Chevy Chevette. Dad said it was going to be a plain vanilla car, no radio, no ac, no nothing. And that's what it was! But it was a car, and I loved it!!
Jack was still in my life, and I"m sure that had everything to do with my decision to stay in Kansas...Looking back, I wish now that I'd paid more attention to what I wanted to do with MY life, and not worried about a man and how he was going to fit into my life.
I looked for work all over the place, and wasn't able to find much. I did have a waitress job at a truck stop in Olathe - it lasted about the length of the lunch hour - which I quickly decided I wasn't cut out for. The old biddies that had been there a while didn't want to tell me anything, so I had to fend for myself. I never even went back for my paycheck, such as it was.
I finally found a job at Commerce Bank in Kansas City. I commuted from Olathe every day, which, in rush hour traffic, in 1972, was about a 30 to 45 minute drive. It should have been 15 or 20. But that's the nature of commuting, I guess. I worked in the international department, typing letters of credit. It was my first taste of the corporate world, of co-workers, of office politics, and of being responsible for my own days. It was good and it was bad.
Laura eventually moved out of that apartment, and I think Jack sorta moved in, but then I ended up moving to an apartment in Roeland Park, closer to where I worked. I still was driving back and forth between KC and Jack's home in southeast Kansas. That was not a good thing to do...again, looking back...but I was in love, or thought I was.
What was I thinking? I liked working, and it was good for me. It made me autonomous and powerful, and I don't know why I didn't stay with it. But, of course, I put a man before my own ideals and dreams, and got married in December of that year...to Jack. We stayed in his grandmother's house the first two weeks of our marriage, and THAT alone should have been a huge red flag!! Why was I going from making my own money, to living in someone else's grandmother's house?? And he had three little kids!! But...I was happy, and I was in love.....
So, we moved all my stuff from my apartment in KC to a house in a town not far from where Jack had lived with his grandmother. It happened to be across the alley from his dad and stepmom, and was not a bad little house. I was happy...again, because I was with my man, and he was good to me. I didn't even think about what the consequences of my decision would be, or what it would be like to be an "instant" mom to those three little kids. I just assumed they wouldn't interfere in my ideal life....I even thought I liked his family across the alley, but that proved to be a blessing and a curse..in the long run.
It didn't take long for me to find a job in at an electronics factory, in a town about 16 miles away. I was secretary to the shipping manager, and it was a pretty good job. An office job, and just what I thought I should have...and a good place to start. I liked my co-workers, and my boss. I worked Monday through Friday, 8 to 5..so I had weekends free. I was probably there for a couple years...maybe not that long...and then I decided to go to work at the dress factory closer to home. It paid more, and it was piece work, so I could get more money. It wasn't what I went to college to do, but I figured....I need to make as much money as I can!!
Jack was working then, but throughout that time, and our whole marriage, he worked off and on. I remember there being lots of times when I was the only one working in the household. I didn't like it...but I didn't say much about it. I just kept working, and he would do the housework. At least he did that...I can be thankful for that.
That's one thing about me that I know for sure. During the time that I was married to Jack, I was a very submissive, non-threatening, quiet sort of wife. I don't know why, exactly, nor where that came from. But I remember not wanting to rock the boat, make waves, and make him mad. Not that he was threatening in any way, I guess I just didn't think it would have been a good idea. I think I was assertive in some ways, but not in others. I didn't stand up to him...I was just very non-confrontational at the time.
I am that way now, but I think I have come full circle. More on that later...
We had his kids on some weekends, and that was a trial, for sure. His ex was a part of their lives, and I wasn't really sure how to take that. I can only imagine what she must have thought of me, being so young and married to her ex...helping to raise HER kids!! Now that I am a mom, I don't even know what she must have gone through!! I didn't talk to her - I just found out what little Jack would tell me about her, and what she was doing. I didn't even ask the kids about her. I tried to be a friend to the kids, not a mom, and to get along with them the best I could. It wasn't so hard when they were little. It was when they grew up to become teens that I had a hard time....I guess they liked me, but it never occurred to me ask anyone..
This is really hard for me to write about...and I'm not sure why. I am having a hard time going back and thinking about all these things that happened, the order they happened in, and bringing up the memories. I will do this, it just may take some time...
Jack was still in my life, and I"m sure that had everything to do with my decision to stay in Kansas...Looking back, I wish now that I'd paid more attention to what I wanted to do with MY life, and not worried about a man and how he was going to fit into my life.
I looked for work all over the place, and wasn't able to find much. I did have a waitress job at a truck stop in Olathe - it lasted about the length of the lunch hour - which I quickly decided I wasn't cut out for. The old biddies that had been there a while didn't want to tell me anything, so I had to fend for myself. I never even went back for my paycheck, such as it was.
I finally found a job at Commerce Bank in Kansas City. I commuted from Olathe every day, which, in rush hour traffic, in 1972, was about a 30 to 45 minute drive. It should have been 15 or 20. But that's the nature of commuting, I guess. I worked in the international department, typing letters of credit. It was my first taste of the corporate world, of co-workers, of office politics, and of being responsible for my own days. It was good and it was bad.
Laura eventually moved out of that apartment, and I think Jack sorta moved in, but then I ended up moving to an apartment in Roeland Park, closer to where I worked. I still was driving back and forth between KC and Jack's home in southeast Kansas. That was not a good thing to do...again, looking back...but I was in love, or thought I was.
What was I thinking? I liked working, and it was good for me. It made me autonomous and powerful, and I don't know why I didn't stay with it. But, of course, I put a man before my own ideals and dreams, and got married in December of that year...to Jack. We stayed in his grandmother's house the first two weeks of our marriage, and THAT alone should have been a huge red flag!! Why was I going from making my own money, to living in someone else's grandmother's house?? And he had three little kids!! But...I was happy, and I was in love.....
So, we moved all my stuff from my apartment in KC to a house in a town not far from where Jack had lived with his grandmother. It happened to be across the alley from his dad and stepmom, and was not a bad little house. I was happy...again, because I was with my man, and he was good to me. I didn't even think about what the consequences of my decision would be, or what it would be like to be an "instant" mom to those three little kids. I just assumed they wouldn't interfere in my ideal life....I even thought I liked his family across the alley, but that proved to be a blessing and a curse..in the long run.
It didn't take long for me to find a job in at an electronics factory, in a town about 16 miles away. I was secretary to the shipping manager, and it was a pretty good job. An office job, and just what I thought I should have...and a good place to start. I liked my co-workers, and my boss. I worked Monday through Friday, 8 to 5..so I had weekends free. I was probably there for a couple years...maybe not that long...and then I decided to go to work at the dress factory closer to home. It paid more, and it was piece work, so I could get more money. It wasn't what I went to college to do, but I figured....I need to make as much money as I can!!
Jack was working then, but throughout that time, and our whole marriage, he worked off and on. I remember there being lots of times when I was the only one working in the household. I didn't like it...but I didn't say much about it. I just kept working, and he would do the housework. At least he did that...I can be thankful for that.
That's one thing about me that I know for sure. During the time that I was married to Jack, I was a very submissive, non-threatening, quiet sort of wife. I don't know why, exactly, nor where that came from. But I remember not wanting to rock the boat, make waves, and make him mad. Not that he was threatening in any way, I guess I just didn't think it would have been a good idea. I think I was assertive in some ways, but not in others. I didn't stand up to him...I was just very non-confrontational at the time.
I am that way now, but I think I have come full circle. More on that later...
We had his kids on some weekends, and that was a trial, for sure. His ex was a part of their lives, and I wasn't really sure how to take that. I can only imagine what she must have thought of me, being so young and married to her ex...helping to raise HER kids!! Now that I am a mom, I don't even know what she must have gone through!! I didn't talk to her - I just found out what little Jack would tell me about her, and what she was doing. I didn't even ask the kids about her. I tried to be a friend to the kids, not a mom, and to get along with them the best I could. It wasn't so hard when they were little. It was when they grew up to become teens that I had a hard time....I guess they liked me, but it never occurred to me ask anyone..
This is really hard for me to write about...and I'm not sure why. I am having a hard time going back and thinking about all these things that happened, the order they happened in, and bringing up the memories. I will do this, it just may take some time...
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