I thought I wanted to live in the same city as Jason. It was a large city, and I thought finding a job there would be a piece of cake! I mean, there are thousands of people there, lots of places to work, right? Well, there are...I'm sure. But after a year of searching in that huge metropolitan area, I hadn't found anything.
Well, yes, I was offered a job at a department store for minimum wage. And I had several good interviews for positions that I wanted and thought I would be good at. But none of them panned out or came through for me. I got really frustrated and determined at the same time. Why was I not able to get a job here?, I thought to myself.
My sponsor, meanwhile, was telling me that maybe it's not meant to be. Well, I said to her, that's not possible! I'm going to be with this man, whether or not it's meant to be!! HA! That's not a good attitude to take, I found out later. God has a sense of humor. He will also let me do what I want to do for as long as I want to!
It finally came to me that maybe I should expand my search a bit. I had always, in the back of my mind, wanted to live in Colorado. When we lived in Denver during my growing up years, we, my whole family, had fallen in love with the mountains and the climate. I knew that someday I wanted to go back there! So I expanded my search. I looked at journalismjobs.com, the website for journalists, and found several jobs in Colorado. I think I sent my resume out to Cortez, Steamboat Springs, Craig and maybe one other place.
The publisher in Cortez snapped it up, called me, and asked if I could interview for the Mancos Times editor job! I thought - wow! That was easy! I told Jason about it, and he was non-commital. He said, It's your choice and you've always wanted to live there. I think you should go for it!
So I did!
I drove out there in January to interview for the job. I met the publisher, and met a few of the people who work there and met the current editor. I liked everything I saw, I liked the area and decided I would take the job if they offered it to me. On the way out there, the roads were clear despite the snow everywhere and I thought it would be an easy trip.
Well, they offered me the job!
Since Jason didn't say to me, "Just stay, honey!", or "Please don't go!", I decided I would go. After all, I needed to do what was best for me. I had been single for a while and knew that I was the only one who was going to look after me! I couldn't wait for, or rely on, a man to tell me what to do. And, I thought to myself, he wasn't going to beg me to stay!
It was emotionally hard, though, to leave what was familiar to me. The house that I lived in in Kansas, with my daughter, was one that I had known for a while. The town was familiar. My friends were familiar. Here I was, going off to a place where I knew nobody, where the job was all that was taking me out there, and leaving everything that I knew. And leaving my daughter was going to be especially hard!
Well, at the time, after living with her for several years, and raising her on my own since she was 16, I was ready to go. I think we both needed to have some space to ourselves and to live on our own. It was hard, but I did it.
I packed my car with all that would fit in it. I made arrangements by email to stay in a place near Mancos that was furnished and close. I said goodbye to all my friends...and said that I would see them again soon.
And off I went to my new job, my new life, and my new experiences!!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Live and learn...
They say that you'll meet someone special when you least expect it....and that's what happened. Jason was very memorable...
It was Pioneer Days at the Cherokee Strip Museum in Arkansas City. I had told Heather that I would help her out during the day, and I was also there to take some pictures for the newspaper I was working for. I had also hoped I would be able to see the gunfighting group that I had heard about from Andrew, the guy that I had met there at the museum.
When I walked over to the place where the group was congregated, as they had already done one performance that day, I think Andrew was with me….or maybe he was there and saw me walk over there. But when I got there, Jason greeted me with the comment, “You must be single and fabulous!” This took me by surprise! I didn’t know he knew about the shirt that I own that says that very thing on it…I had been wearing it when I met Andrew. So, that struck me as remarkable AND memorable right off the bat. Then, he also struck me as very personable and funny, and he could make me laugh. That always strikes a chord with me.
I looked at the rest of the group and met the rest of them, as Andrew introduced me, or they introduced themselves. Then Jason, in his effort to make me laugh, I guess, showed me his puppets, and made his different voices with them. I loved it.
Later that day, after I had taken some pictures, and wandered around some more, I made sure I rode in the stagecoach that was available, along with Heather. Jason rode in it, too, at the time, and I remember thinking how much I like the way he looked, the way he smiled and just his mannerisms and way of looking at me.
Later that evening, there was a dance at the Museum. It was a period dance, and the lady who was there was showing everyone how to dance like they did in the pioneer days. Andrew showed up, as did Jason and Mary. I guess by that time, I assumed that Jason was with Mary, and I didn’t bother to find out any differently. It turns out that they were not really together; they were just riding together, and are friends.
I still liked looking at Jason, and liked that way he looked. I took notice of him, but still was trying not to go much farther than that, thinking that he was attached. He did seem to try to talk me into coming to Ingalls the next day to see them do another gunfight, but he says that he was doing that to help Andrew out. I DID go there the next day, and ended up having a nice conversation with him there. I again liked the way he looked and the things he did and said…..the way he carried himself, how tall he is, and the way he smiled, and could make me laugh. But I still thought he and Mary were together. I also found out that he lives in _____, and I figured that was pretty far away, and I would probably not see him for a long time, if ever.
Jason was very special to me for a long time. It is absolutely incredible the way we clicked when we were together, how things have come together for us, in many ways.
Going back to when we met….. I continued to date Andrew a little bit, even after I met Jason and realized I like him. Out of respect for Andrew, and thinking that Jason was not interested, and also that he was attached, I let it go. Or tried to. Andrew made a few mentions of Jason when we were together, and I think he knew that I liked Jason…well, he knew that I liked his way with words, and his interest in writing.
The day that Andrew came to pick me up on his way to Wichita, he had Jason with him. We all rode up to Wichita together, and had lunch together…and it was a nice trip. I was very conscious of Jason sitting next to me, but again, I tried to be a “good girl” and not touch him, or seem overly interested in him. I was being respectful of the fact that I was “dating” Andrew. How do I tell someone that I’m dating that I’d much rather date his friend? So I continued with things that way they were.
Then, when my car died, Andrew helped to get it back to ______ for me, and for that I am grateful. He gave me quite a few rides to work, which I was grateful for also. But after the day spent with him and Jason, I pretty much knew that I had the wrong guy… the wrong cowboy…What to do?
It was at that time that he gave me Jason’s phone numbers, and he told me that he’d given Jason my phone numbers. Why, I’m not sure, but I was sure glad he did! It was as if he knew that Jason and I were meant to be together, but I’m not sure about that either, as it turned out.
Jason and I got in touch with each other. I think he called me first, to ask if I’d heard anything from Andrew. And since, at that time, I hadn’t, and Andrew was in the middle of moving and I didn’t know how to contact him, I didn’t know anything. But I was absolutely thrilled to hear from Jason, and to have a chance to talk to him. Those first few conversations on the phone were long, and we finally got around to the fact that we had been interested in each other from the start. But we both thought the other was involved with someone, and we were trying to be good, and not misbehave in anyway.
We talked a lot about Andrew and how he was just coming out of a marriage, and I assured Jason that I was not interested in Andrew as a relationship. I made one last phone call to Andrew to let him know that I just wanted to be friends, and that I didn’t want to date him anymore. Jason and I talked on the phone for hours those first few weeks. We still talk every single night. It’s helped our relationship so much, and I can’t imagine a day without talking to him, or my life without him. It’s that simple, and I can’t hardly believe it. It is so good. When you have someone in your life that is good and right, it is SO good!
That's been over four years ago....and my feelings for Jason have changed somewhat. I was head over heels in love with him for many months...I think maybe he was too. I'm not sure. We both got a bit scared and about the time that we had to make a decision about our future, I got a job offer in another state. Of course, Jason didn't think he had anything to offer me, to keep me there. Now that I'm 800 miles away from him, it's made me see things in a different way. We both have our lives, but we will always be friends...if anything comes of it, that's only for HP to know right now.
It was Pioneer Days at the Cherokee Strip Museum in Arkansas City. I had told Heather that I would help her out during the day, and I was also there to take some pictures for the newspaper I was working for. I had also hoped I would be able to see the gunfighting group that I had heard about from Andrew, the guy that I had met there at the museum.
When I walked over to the place where the group was congregated, as they had already done one performance that day, I think Andrew was with me….or maybe he was there and saw me walk over there. But when I got there, Jason greeted me with the comment, “You must be single and fabulous!” This took me by surprise! I didn’t know he knew about the shirt that I own that says that very thing on it…I had been wearing it when I met Andrew. So, that struck me as remarkable AND memorable right off the bat. Then, he also struck me as very personable and funny, and he could make me laugh. That always strikes a chord with me.
I looked at the rest of the group and met the rest of them, as Andrew introduced me, or they introduced themselves. Then Jason, in his effort to make me laugh, I guess, showed me his puppets, and made his different voices with them. I loved it.
Later that day, after I had taken some pictures, and wandered around some more, I made sure I rode in the stagecoach that was available, along with Heather. Jason rode in it, too, at the time, and I remember thinking how much I like the way he looked, the way he smiled and just his mannerisms and way of looking at me.
Later that evening, there was a dance at the Museum. It was a period dance, and the lady who was there was showing everyone how to dance like they did in the pioneer days. Andrew showed up, as did Jason and Mary. I guess by that time, I assumed that Jason was with Mary, and I didn’t bother to find out any differently. It turns out that they were not really together; they were just riding together, and are friends.
I still liked looking at Jason, and liked that way he looked. I took notice of him, but still was trying not to go much farther than that, thinking that he was attached. He did seem to try to talk me into coming to Ingalls the next day to see them do another gunfight, but he says that he was doing that to help Andrew out. I DID go there the next day, and ended up having a nice conversation with him there. I again liked the way he looked and the things he did and said…..the way he carried himself, how tall he is, and the way he smiled, and could make me laugh. But I still thought he and Mary were together. I also found out that he lives in _____, and I figured that was pretty far away, and I would probably not see him for a long time, if ever.
Jason was very special to me for a long time. It is absolutely incredible the way we clicked when we were together, how things have come together for us, in many ways.
Going back to when we met….. I continued to date Andrew a little bit, even after I met Jason and realized I like him. Out of respect for Andrew, and thinking that Jason was not interested, and also that he was attached, I let it go. Or tried to. Andrew made a few mentions of Jason when we were together, and I think he knew that I liked Jason…well, he knew that I liked his way with words, and his interest in writing.
The day that Andrew came to pick me up on his way to Wichita, he had Jason with him. We all rode up to Wichita together, and had lunch together…and it was a nice trip. I was very conscious of Jason sitting next to me, but again, I tried to be a “good girl” and not touch him, or seem overly interested in him. I was being respectful of the fact that I was “dating” Andrew. How do I tell someone that I’m dating that I’d much rather date his friend? So I continued with things that way they were.
Then, when my car died, Andrew helped to get it back to ______ for me, and for that I am grateful. He gave me quite a few rides to work, which I was grateful for also. But after the day spent with him and Jason, I pretty much knew that I had the wrong guy… the wrong cowboy…What to do?
It was at that time that he gave me Jason’s phone numbers, and he told me that he’d given Jason my phone numbers. Why, I’m not sure, but I was sure glad he did! It was as if he knew that Jason and I were meant to be together, but I’m not sure about that either, as it turned out.
Jason and I got in touch with each other. I think he called me first, to ask if I’d heard anything from Andrew. And since, at that time, I hadn’t, and Andrew was in the middle of moving and I didn’t know how to contact him, I didn’t know anything. But I was absolutely thrilled to hear from Jason, and to have a chance to talk to him. Those first few conversations on the phone were long, and we finally got around to the fact that we had been interested in each other from the start. But we both thought the other was involved with someone, and we were trying to be good, and not misbehave in anyway.
We talked a lot about Andrew and how he was just coming out of a marriage, and I assured Jason that I was not interested in Andrew as a relationship. I made one last phone call to Andrew to let him know that I just wanted to be friends, and that I didn’t want to date him anymore. Jason and I talked on the phone for hours those first few weeks. We still talk every single night. It’s helped our relationship so much, and I can’t imagine a day without talking to him, or my life without him. It’s that simple, and I can’t hardly believe it. It is so good. When you have someone in your life that is good and right, it is SO good!
That's been over four years ago....and my feelings for Jason have changed somewhat. I was head over heels in love with him for many months...I think maybe he was too. I'm not sure. We both got a bit scared and about the time that we had to make a decision about our future, I got a job offer in another state. Of course, Jason didn't think he had anything to offer me, to keep me there. Now that I'm 800 miles away from him, it's made me see things in a different way. We both have our lives, but we will always be friends...if anything comes of it, that's only for HP to know right now.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Getting to know me....
My daughter was grown but still living with me, and that was fine. I realized that I was her only parent, and she was my only daughter. I figured there was plenty of time for her to grow up and get out on her own....and I didn't have any intention of living with or marrying anyone for quite some time. I needed some time to get to know myself, to become comfortable in my own skin, and to learn to get along on my own. I didn't want my emotions to be tied up in a relationship so soon after my separation, and I knew that in order to become the woman I wanted to become, I would have to learn to like myself. My recovery had a lot to do with that, and I also wanted to get and stay sober without the hindrance of another person there....yes, dragging me down!! I had HAD it with men who just wanted to be taken care of, and being the one to do that! I needed to take care of ME!! What it took, I was going to stay sober, get to know me, and become a whole person again!
I was still working as the tourism coordinator when I moved into my new home. My office was at the chamber of commerce, right downtown, and I felt like I was in the center of all the activity there. I guess I was! A lot of people knew me, and I knew a lot of people too...but I didn't particularly like it. My heart was not really into it anymore. I wanted to have more of a private life, and that wasn't the way to go about it....but I kept going and kept working. I didn't feel, at the time, like I was doing the job justice. I wasn't sure how to go about 'marketing' Ark City, a town of 11,000 people close to the Oklahoma line, whose only claim to fame was the Cherokee Strip Land Rush in 1893. There were historical buildings, yes...there were a few things to do during the year, but there was no 'essence', per say...that I felt like I could market. I tried....I talked, went to meetings, did a lot of thinking, planned, traveled. I saw others marketing Kansas....other places, but I didn't seem to be able to market Ark City. I wasn't making really great money either, so I was looking around for something else.
It was during this time that I met a man on the internet....(actually that became a place where I met quite a few men!) and this particular one lived in Arkansas. I'll call him "Sam". I don't think I'll use his real name, because I've not been in contact with him for a while, and I think he likes it that way. But he seemed to be a nice guy. There were things about him that raised a red flag, if I stopped and thought about it. Like the fact that he was married. He told me, of course, that they were not living together, and he told me the reason....that they were in different towns, etc, etc. and that was good enough for me....at the time. We got together from time to time. He had a big Honda motorcycle, and he loved to work on it, put all this extra stuff on it, and make it as comfortable as he could. It was great! He would come up to my house, and then we would go for long rides. I loved it!! I love seeing the countryside on the back of a motorcycle. I think I always did, but his bike was very comfortable, and he made the rides alot of run. We even went to an NA campout on it one summer..probably 01 or 02, down in Oklahoma....pulling a camper/trailer behind the bike. It was a fun trip! He got along allrlight with my daughter, too, and that was important. I drove down to his apartment in Arkansas a couple times, a drive that I loved. Arkansas is a beautiful state. Of course this was after he had moved to a different town than his wife lived in, but I guess it didn't bother me at the time. We had our ups and downs, and I wanted to know what he was doing some of the time. After all, we were together, right?? Didn't I have the right to know what he was doing or who he was doing it with?? There were large gaps in our communications...and that bothered me....
I got a different job at a publishing company near Blackwell, Oklahoma. I thought it was going to be better money. The only thing was I had to drive a ways each morning and evening to get there. It was run by two women who were gay, which didn't bother me. What bothered me was that they, at least one of them, was a micro-manager, and she looked over everything that I did. Now, I understand when you have begun and built a company that you would want to oversee every thing that goes out the door. But, I just wasn't comfortable with that....So by mutual consent, we parted ways. I was only a few weeks without a job...and found the reporter job at the Winfield Courier....about 10 miles from where I lived. "Sam" and I were no longer communicating, by his own doing. In fact, he cut off communication with me. This was to happen to me again...and again...with other people.
I liked it there....it was a good job, even though it didn't pay well. I was there about a year and a half I guess. I met some great people, too. Roy, the managing editor, was a guy who I'd met in leadership class a couple years before. I'm sure that had a lot to do with why I got the job...maybe. Judith, the lifestyles editor and a few years older than me, is an opinionated woman who I ended up really liking, even though we locked horns a few times while I was there. I had my own desk, and got along with everyone in the newsroom. The paper is in an old building there in Winfield, and the newsroom is crammed in a very small space. It was lively and noisy, with discussions and questions being thrown around all the time. Other areas of the paper complained that we were too noisy, but I like a newsroom to be that way, sometimes!! How else are you going to know about things and be able to form your own opinions?? I covered the county commission, the courtroom, and a whatever else happened in town. I didn't cover the board of education or the city. That was for someone else. I did get to cover the festivals and musical events, which I liked...sometimes the county fair and the veterans stuff.
While at the Courier, I went to the Pioneer Days at the Cherokee Strip Land Rush museum in Ark City....to cover their festival. There I met the man that I would be with for the next year or so.....
I was still working as the tourism coordinator when I moved into my new home. My office was at the chamber of commerce, right downtown, and I felt like I was in the center of all the activity there. I guess I was! A lot of people knew me, and I knew a lot of people too...but I didn't particularly like it. My heart was not really into it anymore. I wanted to have more of a private life, and that wasn't the way to go about it....but I kept going and kept working. I didn't feel, at the time, like I was doing the job justice. I wasn't sure how to go about 'marketing' Ark City, a town of 11,000 people close to the Oklahoma line, whose only claim to fame was the Cherokee Strip Land Rush in 1893. There were historical buildings, yes...there were a few things to do during the year, but there was no 'essence', per say...that I felt like I could market. I tried....I talked, went to meetings, did a lot of thinking, planned, traveled. I saw others marketing Kansas....other places, but I didn't seem to be able to market Ark City. I wasn't making really great money either, so I was looking around for something else.
It was during this time that I met a man on the internet....(actually that became a place where I met quite a few men!) and this particular one lived in Arkansas. I'll call him "Sam". I don't think I'll use his real name, because I've not been in contact with him for a while, and I think he likes it that way. But he seemed to be a nice guy. There were things about him that raised a red flag, if I stopped and thought about it. Like the fact that he was married. He told me, of course, that they were not living together, and he told me the reason....that they were in different towns, etc, etc. and that was good enough for me....at the time. We got together from time to time. He had a big Honda motorcycle, and he loved to work on it, put all this extra stuff on it, and make it as comfortable as he could. It was great! He would come up to my house, and then we would go for long rides. I loved it!! I love seeing the countryside on the back of a motorcycle. I think I always did, but his bike was very comfortable, and he made the rides alot of run. We even went to an NA campout on it one summer..probably 01 or 02, down in Oklahoma....pulling a camper/trailer behind the bike. It was a fun trip! He got along allrlight with my daughter, too, and that was important. I drove down to his apartment in Arkansas a couple times, a drive that I loved. Arkansas is a beautiful state. Of course this was after he had moved to a different town than his wife lived in, but I guess it didn't bother me at the time. We had our ups and downs, and I wanted to know what he was doing some of the time. After all, we were together, right?? Didn't I have the right to know what he was doing or who he was doing it with?? There were large gaps in our communications...and that bothered me....
I got a different job at a publishing company near Blackwell, Oklahoma. I thought it was going to be better money. The only thing was I had to drive a ways each morning and evening to get there. It was run by two women who were gay, which didn't bother me. What bothered me was that they, at least one of them, was a micro-manager, and she looked over everything that I did. Now, I understand when you have begun and built a company that you would want to oversee every thing that goes out the door. But, I just wasn't comfortable with that....So by mutual consent, we parted ways. I was only a few weeks without a job...and found the reporter job at the Winfield Courier....about 10 miles from where I lived. "Sam" and I were no longer communicating, by his own doing. In fact, he cut off communication with me. This was to happen to me again...and again...with other people.
I liked it there....it was a good job, even though it didn't pay well. I was there about a year and a half I guess. I met some great people, too. Roy, the managing editor, was a guy who I'd met in leadership class a couple years before. I'm sure that had a lot to do with why I got the job...maybe. Judith, the lifestyles editor and a few years older than me, is an opinionated woman who I ended up really liking, even though we locked horns a few times while I was there. I had my own desk, and got along with everyone in the newsroom. The paper is in an old building there in Winfield, and the newsroom is crammed in a very small space. It was lively and noisy, with discussions and questions being thrown around all the time. Other areas of the paper complained that we were too noisy, but I like a newsroom to be that way, sometimes!! How else are you going to know about things and be able to form your own opinions?? I covered the county commission, the courtroom, and a whatever else happened in town. I didn't cover the board of education or the city. That was for someone else. I did get to cover the festivals and musical events, which I liked...sometimes the county fair and the veterans stuff.
While at the Courier, I went to the Pioneer Days at the Cherokee Strip Land Rush museum in Ark City....to cover their festival. There I met the man that I would be with for the next year or so.....
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